Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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