i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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