I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
