My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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