so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
