It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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