no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Randomize
