Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
