Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
