just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
