my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
