Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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