I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I met the friendliest cop last night
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
