I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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