Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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