i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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