This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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