dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
