You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
