I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.