How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag