my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told you penises don't tan
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.