Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR