Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.