Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Drunk is not a location!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
