I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This couple is walking their pig around campus
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
