Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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