i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
