Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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