I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
