get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
