im holly from the hills drunk
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
