just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think i got beer on your cat.
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