my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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