Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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