I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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