This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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