she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
