i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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