I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
