i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
