You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
