Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
