can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
