I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
