I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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