she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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