I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
