I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
