I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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