5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
two words...techno handjob
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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