Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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