a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
