Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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