it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
