Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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