i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
