found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
be right there i have to get my cape
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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