it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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