all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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