You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
