Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
