What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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