If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
