tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
