Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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