just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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