You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
